


Panem Idol

by fireiscatching



Category: Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: F/M, Humor, Hunger Games, Parody
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-01-18
Updated: 2012-02-11
Packaged: 2017-10-29 18:01:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/322622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fireiscatching/pseuds/fireiscatching
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if the Capitol held a singing competition every year instead of the Hunger Games?</p><p>Rated M for language. And I'm paranoid.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own any songs used in this story, nor do I own The Hunger Games. Enjoy!

Katniss Everdeen looked worriedly at the stage in front of her. Effie Trinket was swirling her pink claws around the reaping ball, preparing to choose one unlucky boy and girl to attend the Capitol’s Seventy-Fourth annual Panem Idol contest. While many Capitol citizens considered this an honor, it was a disgrace for the contestants and the people of the districts who were forced to watch twenty-four children embarrass themselves on national television.

Not me. Not me. Please not me, thought Katniss.

She needn’t have worried.

The name that Effie Trinket’s perfectly manicured hand pulled out of the ball was not hers.

It was Primrose Everdeen’s.

The whole square gasped in shock. Twelve year olds were hardly ever chosen, and it was sad when they were. Their voices were not yet mature enough to produce the rich and pure sound that the older contestants could create.

Katniss knew from past experience that Prim was the worst singer in all of Panem-she couldn’t go to the Capitol! She’d be ridiculed for the rest of her life!

As her younger sister made her way up to the stage, Katniss was suddenly struck with a ridiculous and reckless idea.

She was going to volunteer for Prim and save her the misery of losing the prestigious contest.

“Wait! I volunteer!” Katniss cried out, rushing in front of Prim.

“Lovely!” Effie Trinket says as Katniss made her way up to the stage.   “I believe there’s a matter of introducing the winner first and then asking for volunteers-”

Effie’s speech is cut off by Mayor Undersee, who objects to her statement. “What does it matter? Let her come forward.”

“You can’t go, Katniss!” Prim screams out from the crowd.

Katniss chose to ignore her ignorant younger sibling as Effie pranced toward the boys reaping ball.

“Who will our lucky boy be this year?” Effie singsonged into the microphone.

She swirls the small slips of paper around for a moment before extracting one that reads the name of another unfortunate soul.

“Peeta Mellark!”  
Oh no! thought Katniss. Anyone but him! How will I beat him now? After everything he’s done for me? I can’t do that!

Clearly, the odds were not in Katniss Everdeen’s favor.

“Wonderful!” squealed Effie. “Thank you all for coming, and may the odds be ever in your favor!” She looks out sympathetically to the kids still roaming around the square, as if they are disappointed that they weren’t chosen to be ridiculed in front of the nation.

Effie Trinket guides Peeta and Katniss into separate rooms. She hardly had to wait five minutes before the door opens to reveal Prim and her mother standing there.

“Oh, Katniss! How could you!” Prim wails.

“What do you mean, Prim? You won’t have to be mocked on live television for the whole country to see. What’s the problem?” Katniss asked, slightly angry and confused. Prim should have been thankful for her sacrifice, not angry.

“Now Panem will never see how good of a singer I really am!” Prim cried.

“Primrose Everdeen!” Katniss’ mother cut in.

“Listen, Katniss. Your voice is lovely. Do your best and come home quickly.” She kissed her eldest daughter on the forehead, whisked a still crying Prim out the door, and left.

Katniss sat on the plush chair provided by the Capitol, still a bit stunned at what had taken place.

Before she had time to fully correct her thoughts, Katniss’ friend Madge Undersee burst through the door. She came over towards Katniss and enveloped her in a tight hug. Katniss hugged back, now even more confused than she had been before.

When they broke apart, Madge returned to business.

“Listen, Katniss. We all know you’re a better singer than pretty much everyone. You can win this, and although you don’t need a good luck charm, they let you wear one thing from home as a lucky token. Will you wear this?”

In her palm Madge holds a circular golden pin with a mockingjay inside of it.

“Of course I’ll wear it, Madge. Thank you.”

Madge smiled at her friend as she handed over the pin.

“Good luck, Katniss. I’ll see you soon.”

The next visitor that Katniss had was one she wasn’t expecting-Peeta’s father.  
“Hello, Katniss,” he said kindly. “I wanted to give you these.” He handed her a bag and she took it, thanking him. She was curious as to why he was really there, but her unspoken question was answered almost instantly after she’d thought it.

“I just wanted to say that...it’s no secret how good of a vocalist you are, and, well...just go easy on Peeta, alright?”

Katniss wanted to laugh out loud-Peeta’s dad was here begging for her not to kick his ass too hard-but instead she smiled sweetly and promised to do her best. Mr. Mellark smiled and left Katniss to her thoughts.

A few moments later, the door opened yet again, this time revealing her best friend Gale Hawthorne.

“Catnip,” he said, holding out his arms.

She rushed into the comfort of being with her best friend without a second thought. It was consoling to be with Gale, just him, even though there was nothing romantic going on between them, it was nice.

“Listen, Catnip. Your voice is phenomenal. You’re going to have an easy time winning. The only competitors you’ll have to watch out for are the Careers, since they’ve been training since before they could walk. Just...just show them how good you are. Promise me you’ll make me proud when you’re up there,” Gale said to her quickly.

Katniss just blinked, trying to take in all the information.   “I’ll do everything I can to make it back to you, Gale,” she replied kindly.

He smiled down at her and stepped a little closer, brushing a stray piece of hair off of her forehead. His thumb grazed her soft cheek, and he stared into her bright gray eyes as he leaned closer and closer to her face. He opened his mouth, and she could tell he needed to tell her something important.

All of a sudden, the door busted open again. A Peacekeeper rushed in, starting a very impressive yet mocking rap.

“HE OPENS HIS MOUTH BUT THE WORDS WON’T COME OUT, HE’S CHOKING NOW, EVERYBODY’S CHOKING NOW, THE CLOCK’S RUN OUT, TIME’S UP, OVER BLOWW!”

Before Gale could protest, the Peacekeeper grabbed him and pulled him away from Katniss.

“Take care of them, Gale!” she cried out to him.

“I will, you know I will Catnip! Remember I-”  
Katniss was unable to hear what he said next, because the Peacekeeper had resumed his rap.

This was going to be a long journey.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What would happen if the Capitol held a singing competition every year instead of the Hunger Games?
> 
> Rated T for language.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've neglected my stories for so long. I've been terribly busy with school and whatnot, and writing has had to become something I could do in my free time. Luckily, I'm back with a new installment to this story (and hopefully with a new chapter to 21 tomorrow). 
> 
> I do NOT own any of the songs used in this chapter, nor do I have any intent of belittling the artists who do own them.
> 
> This chapter starts the 'T' rating, so don't say I didn't warn you.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and enjoy!

The next morning, Katniss was rudely awakened by a screaming Effie Trinket.

“GET UP KATNISS! IT’S A BIG, BIG, BIG DAY!” 

Annoyed, Katniss turned her face down into her soft pillow, trying to block out the obnoxious sound of Effie’s voice.

A confused Effie pressed her ear to the door to better hear the unresponsive contestant. “Katniss? You’ve got to get up and get ready. It’s a big, big, BIG day!”

There was still no response.

Effie scowled at the door to the sleepy girl’s room and placed her hands on her surgically-altered hips. “Katniss Everdeen! Get up! You have to meet your stylist-today is a-”

The door flew open just before Effie could finish what she was going to say, revealing a livid Katniss on the other side.

“BIG, BIG, BIG DAY! I KNOW! NOW LEAVE!”

Effie’s eyes grew wide as she left the ferocious girl to her thoughts.

As soon as Effie left, Katniss turned around and traipsed back into her room, pretending that nothing at all had just taken place.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Effie was missing from the dining table when Katniss arrived shortly after her angry tirade. 

“Where’s Effie?” asked Katniss.

She looked at Haymitch to find that his eyes were red-rimmed and watering with unshed tears.    
“She’s crying her eyes out in her room thanks to you!” he shouted before bursting into raucous sobs. 

Katniss stood bewildered in front of the crying drunk. Was this really the same man she knew from District Twelve?   
Thinking of District Twelve was still painful. Katniss missed her mother, Prim, and Gale terribly, and wanted nothing more than to return home. She yearned to hear Gale’s awful vibrato in the woods, Prim’s thin soprano, and even her mother’s crackly harmonies. She was surrounded by terrible singers, all much, much less talented than herself, but she still missed their company. To think of the dangers their voices would be in with her gone almost moved Katniss to tears.

With a shake of her head, Katniss sat down at the table to begin eating. She piled her plate high with as much food as she could fit onto it, and wolfed it down voraciously. Peeta Mellark watched her carefully over the table, probably intimidated that such a petite, talented girl could eat so much.

“What’re we doing today?” Katniss asked. Truthfully, she’d be content to sit there and just eat the day away, but it seemed the Capitol had other plans for her. 

“T-today you meet... your stylists,” Haymitch said shakily. His tears were slowing, but still flowed from his eyes, and it made it harder for him to speak than usual. “You’ll probably hate what they do to you, but don’t resist. Please them.” 

“Thanks for the great advice,” she snapped. “I might as well go there myself since you’re obviously no help. See you around, Peeta.”

Katniss roamed the hallways of the elaborate Capitol building. She kept her eyes peeled for oddly dressed people with strange hair, skin and makeup, but found no one. 

After about twenty frustrating minutes of searching, Katniss heard a voice floating down the hall and strained to hear clearer.

“I see you driving 'round town with the girl I love and I'm like, fuck you!” 

The voice grew louder and louder as the song continued.

“I guess the change in my pocket wasn’t enough, I’m like, fuck you and fuck her too!”

Katniss turned around to see the owner of the soulful voice. Standing before her was a thin man dressed in a simple black ensemble, the only trace of the Capitol being the golden eyeliner worn above his top eyelashes. 

“Oh, I’m sorry,” the man said. “I didn’t realize anyone was down here.”

She couldn’t do anything but stare at him, astonished that he had recovered so quickly from singing a song like that in the presence of a complete stranger.

Smiling at the shocked expression on her face, the strange man extended a hand. “I’m Cinna. I’m styling for District Twelve this year.”

Katniss took his hand apprehensively. “I’m Katniss. Katniss Everdeen,”

Cinna’s smile grew even wider. 

“Follow me, Katniss.”  
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Cinna brought Katniss to the Remake Center for the Games, where she was introduced to her slightly scary prep team. Within a few short hours, Venia, Octavia, and Flavius applied minimal amounts of makeup to her face, only enhancing her natural features. They administered dark makeup to her eyes, making the grey stand out. In short, she looked amazing.

Before Katniss could even open her mouth to thank them, all three members of her team burst into spontaneous song.

“TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT IS THE NIGHT THAT WE’RE LOSING CONTROL! TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT IS THE NIGHT THAT WE SET IT OFF...  
EVERYBODY GO-  
WOAH OH OH OH OH  
WOAH OH OH OH OH   
YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH!”

Venia, Octavia and Flavius then began a series of complicated-looking, perfectly synchronized dance moves. Katniss watched with wide eyes for a moment before making her exit.

“Thank you all...I’ll just...be...going, then...”

With that, Katniss ran out of the Beauty wing of the Remake center as fast as she could, wanting nothing more than to find Cinna or Peeta or even Haymitch. Hell, she’d take Effie right now. Anyone was better than the prep team.

After she finally found her way back to District Twelve’s section of the Style wing of the Remake Center, Katniss was quickly fitted into a spectacular outfit fashioned by Cinna. Peeta came in to join her only moments later, and was quickly joined by Effie, whose eyes looked a little red and puffy.

“Ready? You two are going to be fabulous!” she squealed. 

Katniss and Peeta followed her down to the chariots waiting to take them around the City Circle. The two of them stood in silence, not wanting to ruin their voices before they made their way around the city circle.

This was the second part of Panem Idol- the Previews. Both singers from each District are expected to sing a short selection of a song of their choosing to show the judges what they can do. It was incredibly nerve racking- and important. Your performance during the previews could determine how well the rest of the competition would work out for you.

Cinna appeared and ushered the two contestants into their chariot, lighting their capes as he did so. 

“I look better in this cape than you do,” Katniss said to her District partner arrogantly.

Peeta scowled. “You do not!”  
“Do too!” 

“Do not!”

“Do too!”

“Do not!”

“Do-”

“SHUT UP!”

Cinna’s voice cut through the arguing teenagers’.   “Get on that damn chariot and flaunt it! I didn’t create those outfits for nothing.”

Both Katniss and Peeta quit bickering and mounted their chariot, grasping the microphones handed to them by a very intoxicated (and still slightly teary) Haymitch. 

“Good luck,” Peeta whispered to Katniss as District One’s chariot started making its way around the circle.

First up was the girl, Glimmer Osten. Her voice was an awful mix of techno pop and autotune, so amateur that Katniss almost put her hands over her ears.

“Tonight we’re going har har-har ha-ha-hard, just like the world is our our-our our-our-ours, we’re tearin’ it apart part-part pa-pa-part, you know we’re superstars, we are who we are!  
We’re dancing like we’re dum dum-dum dum-dum-dumb, our bodies go num num-num num-num-numb, we’ll be forever youn youn-youn youn-youn-young, you know we’re superstars, we are who we are!”

The Capitol citizens in the crowd watching cheered as Glimmer continued her awful song. She finally quit singing, and almost immediately after, Marvel, the boy, began to sing. 

If Katniss thought Glimmer was bad, she was nothing compared to how dreadful he was.

“When I walk in the spot, this is what I see, ok, everybody stops and they staring at me  
I got a passion in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it, show it, show it, show it... I’M SEXY AND I KNOW IT.”

Marvel and Glimmer had now made their way around the City Circle, but were closely followed by the District Two contestants, Cato Cusens and Clove Loten.

Cato and Clove were doing a collaboration together, something rarely seen in Panem Idol.

Clove wasted no time in starting to sing after Marvel and Glimmer’s chariot departed the circle.  
“Shout out to my haters, sorry that you couldn't phase me.  
Ain't being cocky, we just vindicated  
Best believe that what we done this moment  
Will be syndicated, I don't know.  
This night just remind me of  
Everything they deprived me of.  
Put your drinks up,  
It's a celebration every time we link up  
We done did everything they could think of,  
Greatness is what we on the brink of.”

Katniss wasn’t totally pleased, but she could at least deduce that she was better than Glimmer. Much better. 

Cato started to sing the rest of their song shortly after Clove had completed her piece.

“Are we drinking a little more, I could hardly decide.  
I can't believe we really made it  
I'm partly surprised.  
I swear, damn, this one for the books,  
Man, I swear this shit as fun as it looks, man  
I'm really trying to make it more than what it is  
Cause everybody dies but not everybody lives.”

He wasn’t bad either, but Katniss was happy when their chariot left the circle as well. 

A girl with bright red hair from District Five was the next contestant who caught Katniss’ attention. Her voice was soft and soothing, a contrast to her sharp, foxlike features.

“Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart, it goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun. Oh, we could be the stars, falling from the sky, shining how we want, brighter than the sun.”

Something about the girl gave Katniss an uneasy feeling in her stomach, but she decided to ignore it for the moment.

The only other set of contestants that were worth listening to were the ones from District Twelve. The girl, Rue Venfield, couldn’t have been any older than twelve, but for such a young little thing her voice was surprisingly strong.

“Yellow diamonds in the light, now we’re standing side by side.  
As your shadow crosses mine, what it takes to come alive.  
It’s the way I’m feeling I just can’t deny...but I’ve gotta let it go...

We found love in a hopeless place, we found love in a hopeless place, we found love in a hopeless place, we found love in a hopeless place.”

Her district partner, however, was not so talented.

He had an obscenely high voice, and Katniss wasn’t sure whether to believe that it was all a joke or if his voice just sounded like a girl’s.

“I will never say never! (I will fight)  
I will fight till forever! (make it right)  
Whenever you knock me down, I will not stay on the ground  
Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up up up-  
And never say never!”

Katniss’ mouth hung open in astonishment. The audience of the Capitol seemed not to know what to do either. In fact, the whole City Circle was silent after he finished his song, letting the District Eleven tributes depart the circle in tense stillness.

However, they were not left with hardly any time to recover, because Katniss and Peeta’s names were being called next. As the applause picked up, Katniss began to sing.

“My hands, they're strong, but my knees were far too weak, to stand in your arms, without falling to your feet.  
But there's a side to you, that I never knew, never knew.  
All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true, and the games you play, you would always win, always win.  
But I set fire to the rain, watched it pour as I touched your face, well, it burned while I cried, ‘cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name!”

As she finished, the Capitol citizens burst into boisterous applause, thrilled with her song. She smiled the sweetest smile that she could possibly muster, and blew kisses to the audience with her free hand while Peeta began his own song.

Katniss was incredibly surprised (and a little irritated) at how lovely Peeta’s voice was.

“My heart's a stereo, it beats for you, so listen close.  
Hear my thoughts in every note, make me your radio, and turn me up when you feel low.  
This melody was meant for you, just sing along to my stereo.”

The City Circle was once again filled with applause and cheers as Katniss and Peeta’s chariot left. They reached the District Twelve chariots and got off, Cinna removing their blazing capes and the rest of the ensemble congratulating them on their success.

Katniss kept up a cheery façade on the outside, but on the inside she knew one thing that threatened to bring her down.

Peeta was playing games. And she was going to play them right along with him.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first try at a real parody, and I'm so excited to get going!
> 
> I'm going to try and post a chapter for this story every week on Tuesday before American Idol, but we'll see.
> 
> I'm currently working on the new chapters for my other stories as well, so don't worry, I'm not abandoning those either.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed, thanks so much for reading!


End file.
